Being myself

I've got this very informative email from a woman whose boyfriend is working at Shimadzu Corporation~!

From what she heard from him, it was an American research group that found the principle of nuclear magnetic resonance used for MRI, and it was also an American researcher who applied this principle to clinical medicine.

I can't help but feel I got old whenever I take much time to check this kind of things. (lol) I would've checked it on my own even through the night out of frustration if I were in senior high right now (lol)

By the way, you know, lately I'm talking about things like health or care of body and mind.

The reason why I said "I wanna take care of myself well enough to keep me as I am" in the message "My feelings" is . . .

I'm wondering what "healthy condition" is exactly like.

I don't know. What "normal" is. What "ordinary," "healthy" mean. What "abnormal," "unhealthy" are like.

In my view I think disease and disability can be viewed as one's personality . . . to some extent.

Not as something "abnormal."

I think this way probably because I grew up with my blind grandma when I was a kid; had contact with a fan who suffered from an incurable disease at a young age(every day my heart goes out to those who overcame their disease as well as those who passed away); have this person suffering from mental disease in my kin; had suffered from a disease myself in the past.

To make an environment that one can live as is. That's the important thing.

I'm sure it will make you very happy if people around you, first of all, try to understand and accept you including your disease or disability or whatever. I have this feeling that the process of "cure" starts with your accepting yourself.

I hope this world will be more humane!

This guy . . .

(a photo is uploaded. please check her official site)

This reminds me of someone . . .

Doesn't it look like that guy? I mean,

Shrek. What do you think?

Lotus root

So was it a lotus root that MRI scanned for the first time in this world?!


So it wasn't a potato

No, well I mean

Seriously?!

I searched the net to check if it was not that Japan developed MRI for the first time in the world, but that Shimadzu Corporation is the company which developed MRI for the first time in Japan - but I couldn't find any specific information


It's a great thing anywayz, though!

I wonder if people tend to argue like "We did it first!" "No we're the first!" over this kind of thing (lol)

"Project part 4"

(a photo is uploaded. please check her official site)

Utada Hikaru 10th ANNIVERSARY

"Please tell us your favorite song of hers!"

. . . I voted by myself (lol)


By the way, on MRI test thing.

I got this email!

"My grandma had the MRI test the other day, and it took me quite a while to understand it because she was calling it like 'IMO-AR-AI'(potato washing) test"


*bursts into laughing*


I, IMOARAI test! (lol)

The grandma is just too cute!

And yes, actually "MRI" does sound like "IMOARAI" (lol)

LMAO!!!!

Also I got this informative mail!

"MRI is an abbreviation for Magnetic Resonance Imaging, developed by Shimadzu Corporation I'm working for the first time in Japan! Also, Hitachi is selling this device that you can have the MRI test listening to CD as a background music. I'm so happy to know you like that sound."

Aha Wow Gee !

So it was developed in Japan for the first time~! Japan did a pretty good job~!

I'll keep my fingers crossed so that they can continue to lead the world in medical equipment industry!

Thanks Shimadzu Corp. san! Keep it up~!

My feelings

I'd like to thank all of you who worried about me and sent various kinds of information to me regarding my easy bruising.

I think now the time has come to show that . . . that thing . . . !

Here we go!

Thanks-beam!! *feeeeeeep*

"Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura(ITP)" - I've never heard that before! Thought my typing got garbled. (lol) I'll check this soon.

Besides the bruising things I've been losing weight for some odd reason, which I've been nervous about as well, so I went to the hospital to take a blood test. The amounts of white and red blood cells, nutrition status, balance of hormones, and common infections . . . I checked all of them, which came back just normal.

Infections of course include those sexually-transmitted infections! AIDS also! I'm ashamed to say this, but I had the HIV test this time, for the first time, at the age of 25 . . . I must admit I was kinda scared. I felt soooo relieved when I learned I wasn't infected at all (lol)

Also I've booked a complete medical checkup! I'm gonna check myself thoroughly! This is gonna be an overnight plan! Yeah!

It's only me myself who can care about my own feelings and body. I think testing myself too much or being nervous too much are not too good, though.

I wanna take care of myself well enough to keep me as I am.

I think I'm responsible for doing it for those who are precious for me, my work, all of you who care about me, and myself.

Have you ever tried that one?! I mean, how can I say, MRI scans! The thing you're put into a machine hole! The machine that you're put in on your back, kept as is for like 20 minutes, so that it can scan throughout inside my body.

I really love it~. It makes me soooo comfy~. And that mechanical sound is wicked cool. Like "Wow! I wanna take a sample of that sound!" (lol) I believe it's something similar to the sound that airplanes make when they're running the runway, from the perspective of frequency.

I'm soooo looking forward to having the checkup as I can have MRI scans for the first time in a long while. Also, to be honest I love to get my blood drawn. "Oh, your blood flows out this smoothly today~, Looks really smooth~" or "The color looks very nice today" - I'm always talking to the nurse person during the blood drawing (lol)

According to my parents I was smiling every time I was given shots when I was a baby. I mean, I heard I was always smiling (lol)

I remember - when I was a kid I just stayed normal while other kids were weeping and crying in vaccinations, which always made doctors and nurses surprised. I was thinking other kids were just too loud (lol) Like "You guys calm down!" "It's just okay!" "It'll be don in a second!" "It would hurt much worse if you hit your little toe against the angle of the drawer and such!"

Awww I can't want to have the checkup

I typed "To" and my comp showed me "Tonton" as the first choice for it (lol)

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Then again

"Awww   What's this   This is silly"

Eager to learn

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How do you flip pages with your hand

No no

Wow Kuma Chang, that's unusual for you to read a newspaper, good boy

And you do it too, Kuma Chang . . . !

(a photo is uploaded. please check her official site)

Oh my . . . !

E, Even Kuma Chang is doing it . . . ! ! !



'Kuma Chang, what are you doing?! Your doing that will make bruises on your fried-shrimp hands!'

"Eh   Me is   just thinking   some things   crossin'   my arms"

' . . . Ah, I see. (lol) So you're crossing your arms. (lol) What were you thinking about?'

"Eh   Me forgot what it was   cuz Hikaru-chan talked to me   suddenly   me need to think more   to remember it   *ponp...*   Oh   it might be   flaky salmon"

Devil Inside

I've noticed something weird.

You know the picture I drew. Of an old woman holding a glass that has false teeth in it. She's grabbing her right hand with her left.

The picture frame shown in the front in the message "To cleanse your palate" is the one I fell in love with and bought at a jewelry store. I leave it as it is just like it was at the store. Cause I think the small picture of Mona Lisa fits it well.

Mona Lisa is placing her right hand gently on her left, contrary to the old woman.

You know I've been telling you that I'm grasping my left hand with my right hard enough to leave bruises on my skin while sleeping, right? (I have such a strong grip, seriously)

The old woman, Mona Lisa and me. Now all are linked.

It's quite recent that I placed the old woman picture at home. It's also recent I bought the picture frame with a Mona Lisa picture in it. It's most recent that I uploaded the image of me grabbing my left hand with my right in my message.

Aahh~ . . . I got it . . . that's what I thought . . .

I remembered this novel called "Nobi" by Ooka Shohei when I wrote "I got it" message. I've always loved it ever since the class had me read it when I was 13 or so. What was most impressive for me was the scene that Tamura, the leading character, tried desperately not to eat the body of his dead pal, by grabbing his left hand with his right. (If I remember it right . . . )

Ooka Shohei often used Jesus Christ as a motif. The left hand as a symbol of the devil or suffering; and the right hand as a symbol of salvation or God - this is the common notion of both the Bible and the Koran. (might include some other religions as well)

It is said scientifically that the left brain(right hand) controls reason, while the right brain(left hand) controls emotion, right. The people in old times already knew it intuitively.

This is getting to be a little complicated now but put simply, all those things made me think my grabbing my left hand with my right when I'm unconscious, could possibly be an indication that God inside me is struggling with the devil inside me trying to force it down.

I myself don't think the devil is a bad guy though. (lol)

Or rather, it might be about time I should listen to the voice from deep down bottom of my own heart, which I'm locking up in a rational way.

I got it, very much satisfied.

I feel kinda relieved now. (lol)

It shows up horizontally . . .

(a photo is uploaded. please check her official site)

I can't put it up here vertically



I got a lot of requests telling me that they couldn't tell what was in the picture of "To cleanse your palate" so they wanted to see more eye-friendly one, so I tried to upload it here but . . . I rotated the image in the preview window but it turns out horizontally after I upload it here.

Some said "Is there some temple-like thing in the glass?" or "I thought it would be Munch's 'The Scream;'" some said "Is it a hand covered with plaster once then taken it off?" - It was such a fun reading various points of view (lol)

So, if you were someone who wanted to see it in a larger size please go ahead, by rotating the image, rotating the pc screen(lol) or by inclining your head.

This is not the coolest one I drew in the past but it fits in that corner in my room, that's why it stays there.

I feel very relieved when I'm surrounded by the pictures I drew or books I read . . . I wonder why.

Holla!

(a photo is uploaded. please check her official site)

(this message is originally written in English. please check her official site)

To cleanse your palate

(a photo is uploaded. please check her official site)

Well I must admit I've shown you something a bit dirty(lol), so just thought of uploading something beautiful this time.

Lately I got some unbelievably beautiful antique vases (Turkish ones)! I got two of them! I mean, I found this great shop that had Turkish antique glasses, rugs and such. I bought a lot more stuff there!

I put a flower in the vase, which I have seldom done . . . This looks so beautiful! Looks so nice! Good! Perfect!

I'll make it my rule to put flowers somewhere in my room.

The picture placed left to the flower, is also the one I drew in the past.

Closing up

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Seriously, what the heck is this (*weeps*)

Ewww!

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What the heck is this!

I didn't notice it till now as I was in a long-sleeved pajama top, and I rolled my sleeves up to wash dishes then what I saw was . . .
Gahhhhh!

What the heck is this, seriously! At first I thought they might be some kind of eczema but when I touched them I learned . . . they surely were bruises . . . It hurt bad!

Again I can't imagine any other reason of causing this but someone's grasping my arm hard with five fingers . . . This isn't too good, is it?

And on top of that my fingers again fit the bruises perfectly . . . so was it me who did it, yet again?!

Both of my parents have a tendency to bruise easily so I'm used to having bruises all around my body and I'm not surprised usually, but this is really like
W, what happened??


This surprised me . . . . well this is still surprising me, actually (lol)

That's odd, I think I didn't have any nightmares last night
Hmmmm

Autumn

(a photo is uploaded. please check her official site)

Today I had my hair cut before the meeting in the office! I was a little late for the meeting which kept all waiting (*sweats*) Sorry all.

Can you see I had my hair cut? My bangs look heavy now! I wanted it to have an autumn-ish mood.

This might be the first time I made my bangs look this heavy. I think I'm liking it.

Oh, by the way - you see I put a ring on my wedding finger, but that doesn't mean I got married. (lol)

I put on a septuple ring and triple ring of Cartier given by my mom. They fit perfectly on my wedding finger and little finger. I put on them on my left hand as they'd bother me when writing and such if I put on them on my right hand.

She gave it to me when I was a little kid - don't remember how old I was at that time. I wonder why she gave them to me. (lol)

Lately I thought I've reached the age when I look nice with these things. I wear them almost everyday. They're so beautiful. I'm glad I've cherished them for a long time till now ~!

"Hehe"

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"Bonjour"

Senior high student

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This is a picture I drew a long time ago.

Most of the pictures I drew at that time look kinda depressing and dark, so maybe I dare not upload them here but some that look like this. lol

What led me to write the previous message all of a sudden was a woman's email that was asking me for advise on that sort of matter, which made me feel like responding to it somehow.

Well about what my parents said - "we had no choice but give birth to you" - maybe I should've been clearer on that. I mean, some time ago I asked my mom "What made you decide to have a baby?" and she was like "I thought Teruzane would've been saddened (if I aborted you)," so that's why I ended up in that way.

I thought it's okay, as most of the people were born in fate's hands I believe.

By the way I forgot what kind of musical instrument I drew. Or maybe I gave the description a tweak so that it fit the look I wanted to draw. Is it a trumpet, horn or something like that? Someone who can tell what it is, please let me know lol