I can see the light at the end of the tunnel

. . . that would be the best phrase to describe my current state of being, probably??

The production of my album has officially started since last May. Production after production. Production while asleep(I mean it, I really start dreaming of recording or something all the time) or awake(after waking up I go to the studio!); production in Tokyo, then production in NY, in Tokyo, in NY, in Tokyo, in NY - Half a year has passed since devoting myself to the album making . . . and now I've reached the point where I can imagine its completion. Whaah. Whaah.

Hm, seems like I'll crest the last pass in New Year's Eve!! That season reminds me of the production of "First Love" album. I may be keeping the same pace as that time, too. At that time I was only 14! I started it from a while before the summer holidays and finished it after the winter holidays. Wow! That's about the same as this time around! I greeted the New Year in the studio while working and got "A Happy New Year" call from my friend who was hanging out in Roppongi . . . Wonder if this time will be the same . . . It's the New Year at the age of 20. Ack, am I still 20!?

We often use the phrase "I can see the light at the end of the tunnel" when we get to see the end in the good meaning of the word, but do we say the same as "Tonneru no mukou no hikari(the lignt at the end of the tunnel)" in Japanese? I might have heard "Tonneru no deguchi ga miete kita(I can see the exit of the tunnel)." "Mukou no hikari(the light over there)," it really sounds like a sort of *the world after death.*
Reading over the title of this message in a mood like *that* I find myself a little eccentric! (lol) I'm not supposed to see that world!

Up until now I'd casually used "light at the end of the tunnel," but for me it's easier to image "Tonneru no deguchi(the exit of the tunnel) than "Tonneru no mukou no hikari(the light at the end of the tunnel)." I wonder why . . . For example, there's this song called "Hikari," I mean my song. It has the verses that go like this: shizuka ni deguchi ni tatte(standing quietly at the exit)/kurayami ni hikari wo ute(shoot the light in the dark). It may not be the light but darkness that awaits me ahead of the exit. I feel that the deep darkness will take my breath away after I go through this tunnel.

Does that sound negative? It's more like a view that has no direction, no sound and no wind, no time and no breath, than something like "Hikari ga nai(no light)." I feel myself moving somewhere like that by way of tunnel. I rather think there would be more light in the tunnel as it has dim lightings. Actually I really love to go through the tunnels!! The longer the tunnel, the more I am excited to run through it by car and the easier I feel as well. (Come to think of it, I was the sort of kid who had to put the comforter over my head completely to sleep . . . )

The Universe?? Am I heading for the Universe?? (lol)

That means, the completion of this album doesn't seem like the end of the tunnel! How long does this tunnel last! Wonder if I'll dash through it as long as I live . . .

What makes you feel "Simple And Clean"?

Excuse me for the long time without writing! This is Utada Hikaru! I'm sorry for keeping silent and making you worried.

My body and my mind became steady and I'm normal now! Huh? Are you asking me why not "I'm fine" instead of "I'm normal"? No, no... I think it's more important to say "I'm normal" than anything else. Of course, I'm also fine!

I feel a little nervous to speak to everyone...

I'm really sorry for this interval, I didn't intend to do so! But I thought that if I faced you all, carrying the "normal Utada Hikaru signboard" before once returning to myself, I would repeat the same mistake again. And at this Bon (Lantern Festival) I returned to the prime Utada Hikaru. The future ahead is long! So I came with my mawashi (Sumo loincloth) firmly tighted again!

It's a little different from the mental state of a child that doesn't want to leave home saying that can't go to school one day after being totally humiliated in front of the whole school. Since I've informed everyone about a very, very personal matter of my body, the discernment of the pride as a professional that I've been keeping and of somethings that I wanted to guard as a 19-years-old girl so far has been vaguely crumbled and I took a while to recover myself mentally even after my body recovered.

I tried to do various things since I got time to watch my situation!
After finishing the album I said "I can't write any sentence anymore...", didn't I? So, without missing that opportunity, I decided to cram my head with teachings, without leaving that space empty and studied about how to write with "Bunsho Dokuhon", by Tanizaki Junichirou.
And out of character, I tried to write a prose poem. And, and, and! Following the recommendation of my superintendent, I narrated it at the beginning of the "Deep River" PV, that has been completed just recently. I will be really ashamed of myself because of that... According to the NEWS section, the video will be first presented to the public by "Wonderful" on the 26th, but probably the version that has been distributed to the media doesn't have this beginning, so you won't be able to watch it yet. (I always check "Wonderful", but I can't see it on this day, or I will be very embarassed if they air that part!)

Then, a little present that I gave you all, the english version of "Hikari", "Simple And Clean"! It was an
obstacle that caused me trouble at the very end. Only the first half is being streamed here, but did you already listen to it? Did you notice that the melody of the chorus part is different from "Hikari"? To tell the truth, the melody of "Simple And Clean" is the original one and I restored it because the english lyrics didn't match with the melody of "Hikari". (When I wrote the japanese lyrics of "Hikari" it didn't match with the melody and after no end of trouble I changed it to the present Hikari's melody and restored a line of the original melody, using it in the song "Uso mitai na I Love You" for my self-satisfaction. The management way of the composer Utada Hikaru came to light (laugh)). I wonder from where we will be able to listen to the full song... Will it stream at the ending of the overseas version of "Kingdom Hearts"? Will a soundtrack come out?? What will Disney do...? I think everyone will send the same kind of questions to "mail to staff" (laugh) So, I'll be waiting together with you all until Mr. Okita or someone else answers about it!

"Simple And Clean"... The literal translation would be "Kantan, Kirei!". It really sounds like a catch-copy of moping goods! (laugh) Well, aiming a little bit at this meaning also, I titled it intending the meaning "Soboku de Seiketsu". We work very hard everyday, busy one way or another, involved in many troubles, enduring various things and even when we suddenly become free isn't it difficult to feel the happiness because its image becomes gradually vague? I thought seriously and with realism about "What my happiness is?". And then I thought, isn't it "To be able to feel myself as a really simple being"? A thing or a person that makes me simple and clean again. That's what my happiness is! So, the theme is the same as "Hikari".

Why does human have the habit of posing as complex people??

Although I've been really fine lately, yesterday I had a headache and suffered from the intense heat of late summer. And it seems it was really good for me! For the first time in many days I stayed in bed for a whole day and I had a very refreshing morning in a calm frame of mind. I feel so refreshed!

Now I'm in the middle of a search for the ultimate Utada Hikaru... I think you already know what I'm talking about! Yeah! I'm looking for my favourite daily life, just like buying a great variety of Starbucks coffee beans and drinking pack by pack until I say "This one!" (Who understands this!)... If anyone else is doing this "self-search", please let me know about its process.
(laugh)

Well!
Oof! (putting my signboard on my back again)


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credits to Samurai @ HikkiCentral who originally translated this message.

P.S.! (Please read my previous message first!)

Okay, so you remember I wrote about "good work" around the end of my previous message, right?
Somehow I couldn't sit still, so I was vacuuming up till now(after that shocking-dish-washing "Hikari" PV comes vacuum-cleaning PV?! Hey is that for "SAKURA Drops"? Just kidding(lol)). And then I got it! Thinking that vacuuming really made me realize how much effort I put into cleaning up the room, I found myself struggling with the big vacuum cleaner with all my might. In my previous message I wrote like it's pretty cool if people around us or our family can actually feel the work we are doing; that is, what's important is how much we can realize our own work and how much power we can pour into it . . . it's just a simple thing but I think I'd forgotten it for a while . . . well that's all I wanted to tell you for now!

Talk to you later!

Yay!!

"Letters" has been on the air since last week and I heard it's got powerplay!!

I was both happy and surprised as "Hikari" did very well on the radio and sold more than I thought it would(yeah I was really thinking of that song like "I bet this won't sell well" as always!(lol)), but as for "Letters", I really really love this song!!!

I'm so moved!!!

Every time someone asks me "say that Docomo-CM song sounds very good, what's that? You don't cut it as a single?", I feel happy and my heart dances with joy! Right now Utada's heart is pounding like it's on the dance floor!!
"Letters" is the coupling song for "SAKURA Drops" and actually I prefer this one. (lol) It's worth a *check* - it may sound a bit strange I myself say this, though.

I'm getting reports like this from Kaji-san, by email full of joy!
It makes me so *happy*, hehe!!
Making my album, it's really arriving at the climax.
I can't make it if I can't finish all the recordings by (April) 22nd.
Oh my, this really gets me!
Ha ha ha ha !

(Why am I using so many smileys??)

I'm so sooooorry for not writing for a while! Recently I've got an 8Mb connection of ADSL, and as I'm so happy with the connection speed I cannot help but surf around the net to no purpose. . . (maybe I gave in to temptation too easily!) You know, a couple of days ago I went to amazon's site(where we can get stuffs like CDs, books and more) and found my 3rd album already listed in the pre-order CD ranking as "(not yet titled)"!!! Then I felt a sense of guilt, as if someone spotted me doing something evil. . . (lol) I've got to finish the album soon!! I'm almost reaching the end - hope you'll like it.

I bet I'll be back here later to write this and that for a change. . .

*I really love manga*

I've read all the volumes of "Hokuto no Ken" in the studio, in one go!! Whew it really knocked me out! It made me cry over and over. I learned a lot from it!! Reading it I fully realized it IS an important piece when we try to understand Japanese culture. Kindness, humanity, intentness and sacrifice . . . they can be found also in "Tora san" I guess?? (lol) Yes they are definitely the fundamental elements of "image of hero" in Japan! Hokuto and Tora san, I guess they'd have sort of same philosophy! Don't you think so?? (lol)

The studio also had "Salaryman Kintaro" and now I'm halfway to finishing it. Today I've read through the volume 12. I knew of it when I got a glimpse of its drama version on TV, and once I started reading this manga, I couldn't put it down!!! How interesting!!! It shows me how Japanese society works, even more directly than "Hokuto no Ken." See, I love manly men, so I'm really into Kintaro-sama(*heart*). Woow I'm getting to sound vulgar a bit! But I think he does have something in common with Tora san, like innocence, attractive manliness proper to Japanese men, doesn't he?? (well I think I'm not going like "I'm so into Tora san*heart*" though. (lol)).

Don't dig me like "hey I just thought you were busy doing something else!" - for me movies and manga are important sources of inspiration! (Really??) Yeah I'm not kidding!! I've been inspired by various kinds of manga, especially when I write lyrics. If we want to create something fine, I'd say the shortest way to reach it is to absorb fine things by touching, hearing and seeing them constantly. I think Japanese manga and animation are really great. The studio where I've been working has a selection of mangas which are to be changed periodically, and the selection is always excellent. So I look forward to going to work everyday! To tell you the truth, when I was recording "SAKURA Drops" which was to be the next single of "Hikari" in exactly the same studio, I was so into "Hajime no Ippo" that it might have, uh, well, a tiny influence on the lyrics . . . let's leave it until you actually listen to the song!!!(it may be *interesting* if you keep this story in mind) Hehehe!

Well, can you guess what kind of flavor "Hokuto no Ken" and "Salaryman Kintaro" will add to the album Utada Hikaru is currently working on?? (lol)


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(NOTE by Nuuk)
"Hokuto no Ken" ... a Japanese manga, made by Son Buron(writer) and Tetsuo Hara(drawer).
"Tora san" ... the main character appeared in the Japanese longest movie series called "Otoko wa Turaiyo."
"Salaryman Kintaro" ... a Japanese manga, made by Hiroshi Motomiya.
"Hajime no Ippo" ... a Japanese manga, made by George Morikawa.

(No title, just let my thoughts go)

Say we're living in a great time, indeed! Thanks for everyone who sent replies to my simple question so quickly!! Seems like all you guys do it that way too - I'm relieved. This would be a sort of tiny, but important communication. I really feel like we're linking with each other.

So!!! Has the PV of "Hikari" been aired on TV yet?? (and the release date is really coming closer now, isn't it??) Have you already seen it?? I'm really looking forward to hearing your impressions!! What do you think of it?? I think it, Mr.PV, is excellent!! I wonder if you'd be surprised. I'm happy if you'll be surprised. 'Cause, my last PV was "traveling", the previous one of that was "Final Distance"(or was that "FINAL DISTANCE"?? I always get picky when deciding how to spell the titles, but . . . err . . . I forgot which it was(lol) It's just slipped my memory!) and before that was "Can you keep a secret?", right? These PVs are really complex, making the most of computer graphics and I went to space or another world and played with a robot in them. Those who have seen these PVs would expect they could find my latest PV exciting again. Well . . . I made it!!! It's like, "You did what we couldn't imagine, Utada!" As far as I looked around my fan sites, it has a favorable reception so far!!! But I guess most of you haven't seen it yet, so I'll wait for your comments calmly! *Heh-heh*

By the way here I have one thing to tell you . . . I heard the DVDs of "traveling" are hitting stores, getting taken out with a rush!! Thank you for buying them!! That makes me really happy, 'cause in Japan we have very few chances to show PVs, while we put our whole heart and soul into making the PV. I think it's a big problem for both Japanese music scene and graphic scene, that music channels haven't been popular. I'm sorry for not releasing the single as the DVD format from the first! If only we could release DVDs instead of CDs to the market from the first . . . or CD players could detect the sound data of DVDs. It will come true in the near future, as time never stops!

Speaking of time, today I went shopping at ITO-YA in Ginza for the first time and it totally blew me away. What on earth are those amazingly plenty of pens and erasers?! I thought like "hey, do they really need to stock such various kinds of goods?" I make it a rule to use up a pen I like entirely when I write lyrics - not to break the flow of my thoughts off. So it's very important for me to find out a pen I like. I marched into the Pens Department and guess what, I saw this selling space as large as the soft drink shelves at convenience stores, and wide selection of goods which deserved the space!! It took a pretty long time to choose one since it was a really important thing for me, which could be a matter of life and death. I wonder if everyone is not so picky about choosing a pen . . . then we don't need such a various types of pens like that, do we? All of us are picky about choosing what to get after all, I guess. I learned that "to choose" could be the biggest suffering of today's people.

Hey this is really getting to be an ordinary diary, isn't it?? (lol)

Do you guys do this too??

Recently, when I was in a great hurry to prepare for going out getting to be late for something(was that right before I went to the Prime Minister's official residence??), I did something out of habit while I was in an extreme hurry . . .

That is, I squeezed too much shampoo from the tube.
Then I thought like "oops that's way too much" and pressed the tube to lower the pressure inside, put the mouth of the tube to the shampoo in my hand and stopped pressing to let the shampoo back into the tube . . . (Get it??) Do you guys do this too??
I've always done it this way when I squeezed too much body lotion, shampoo or whatever packed in tubes for 19 years till now and I can imagine all human beings would be doing it that way, but . . .
But! A question occurred to me like "am I a sort of thrifty person??" when I found myself putting the shampoo carefully back into the tube, while I was in a big hurry not to be late to meet Mr. Prime Minister and Mr. President.

So I just wondered if you'd do it that way too, even in a hurry.

Well, now I'll think up the lyrics to the English version of "Hikari"(seems like it will be used for some countries since it'll be the theme song of the game to be sold worldwide)!

Oh my, my eyes . . .

Yesterday? No, that was the day before yesterday, right? I dropped in at the Prime Minister's official residence and attended a reception for President Bush before I went to the studio - !
Wow - that's great!
Since I started working from early in the morning today I finished it earlier than usual and now I'm ready to write the report about the PM's official residence, facing my computer . . . but . . . my eyes!! My eyes hurt so bad!!
It's because, today I did some shootings in the super-glaring direct sunlight and unbelievably-bright lights. It was so dazzling!! I could hardly manage to bear it, worrying my makeup might be smudged 'cause I couldn't help shedding tears when trying to open my eyes normally! Thanks to those lights I can hardly look at the monitor now, aaaaaaghhh I can't stand it any longer - !!! Will I be able to write tomorrow??

Hmm what an ironic coincidence it was, to have got my eyes hurt by the "light(=hikari)" . . . (lol)

VI-DE-O

There's one more thing to say !

I've finished shooting pv of 'COLORS' !

We did it in two days - I look forward to the completed one all the more because I got tired out working on it !!

The director should be working hard for editing it in UK or somewhere now.

This time the director of the pv is not Kiriya.

I could eventually work with the person in UK whom I'd wanted to from long before !

Actually we were to shoot the pv of 'Hikari' with him but it didn't come true due to his scheduling conflicts at the last moment and that's why we requested Kiriya urgently to shoot that dish-washing video.

This time we requested him once again, our schedules matched pretty good and this video shooting was realized at last !

I wanna see the completed version asap --- ! !