Tuesday, November 05, 2002

The reason why I didn't post much for the past one and half years is . . . ???

Do you still remember the time when I'd been posting messages here so often enough to make this board popular for a while after it was set up??

Then from about one and half year ago I get to leave some intervals between each message. How come? I myself had no idea about this.

The reason, unknown even to myself, reveals itself now!

You remember I wrote a bit about my making a new song a few days ago? After that I got lots of responses like "Are you all right? Seems like you're in trouble this time"!

Eh? "this time"?

I haven't talked here much about the hardships of writing lyrics/songs for sure, but actually I've lived these two years always thinking things like that.
I can say I've been doing nothing but working since I started concentrating on musical works . . . as for the one whole year I was making DEEP RIVER, I very seldom ate out(meals-in-the-studio aren't counted as "eating out," right? (lol)) and went out only a few times . . . I hardly saw anyone except the people concerned with my work and two persons I trust the most . . .

So, I felt like setting my mind at ease every night I came back home from the studio . . . first I make up my mind like "Okay, let's write something!" then I think I shouldn't tell you about my distress in writing each song, and I also don't feel like sitting in front of my computer for another two hours trying to think out any alternative to write about at the end of the day . . . I think I'd prefer taking my glasses off and having a bath . . . this is how I've been with everything over the past one and half years.

It was not until I found myself living like this lately that I became fully aware I've got to reconsider the way to live my life!

I think about things like that everyday, but reading emails from you all or watching people around me I find lots of people are just repeating the same days over and over again. You see, we find many people who just get exhausted thinking he/she cannot do anything to solve his/her problem, don't we?
But don't you think living that way for so long might make us think that's just the way life goes? Haven't you ever been told "You must do it this way" "You must not do things like that" by the people who seem completely unhappy in every way, and told the same thing to the people around you before you knew it?

I believe one's state of mind and surroundings are closely related to each other, though they are often considered separately as "inside" and "outside."
I'm lucky I realized that I've got to move on, and I need to gather myself up from within if I really think it's time for a change!
I was able to change my state of mind slowly and steadily.
I'm glad I'm working again.

Well I thought it's okay to talk about things like this for today . . . while listening to Richard Ashcroft's new album! (the first track is a real standout!)