Thursday, June 01, 2006

June is already here!!

There is this woman who wrote an email to me crying, after having read "Mr. Positive of the day" of the other day.

She is an university student now, but it seems like that message carried her back to her rouninsei days. She wrote me that it was a hard time for her, because there was nothing she could put in the occupation column, which made her feel like there was "no her;" and she was always crying in her bed filled with fear, because she had been doing nothing but studying everyday at that time.

Though I myself don't have experience being a rouninsei, I also had days when I cried every night snuggling up in bed, or just held on to the pillow from morning till night feeling like I was melting into the darkness, fading, and seeing the same thing no matter if my eyes were open or not, and maybe, everyone would have had those sort of days!

Pleasant memories are to be treasured indeed, but I have a feeling it is the bitter experiences that have made me what I am now, holding up the shape of me.

I wonder why I feel that way. It might be because I can't find "individual" in "pleasure." A very pleasant memory is mostly shared with someone else, all almost alike, and I feel like your pleasant memories and mine are not so different from each other, but I think my painful memories are only my own.

So those memories are very precious for me!

Even if we all may be feeling similar sadness or loneliness, the bitterness of it will remain "each one's own" forever, I believe.

Something that we learn or protect at those times, could be the most precious point in our lives.

I would like to go ahead in this wilderness with occasional snowcapped mountains with occasional quiet sunsets with occasional storms, remembering the "bitter memories to forget" and taking them as an important milestone to return to somewhere someday!

If you could appreciate those memories, then that would mean you are heading down the right path, wouldn't it.(*-_-*)

It would be nice if a year as a rouninsei wouldn't just be a bad memory full of pain for her who gave me an email, when she looked back!

Alright time to go work now!

(NOTE by Nuuk)
"rouninsei" ... a senior high school graduate who is preparing for another chance to enter an university or college.