Thursday, April 29, 2004

Pp-please don't analyze it

I had an interesting dream.

I gave birth to a baby in my dream, for the first time, as far as I could remember! You know, sometimes we can have a real experience of falling down from the cliff in our dream even though we have actually never fallen down, right? So I expected I might be able to experience an unexpectedly real childbirth, but what I had was a dream-like dream, giving birth like "pop!" while chattering with somebody. (lol) Whew!

On top of that, in the same dream I . . . (errrrr, sorry) I was committing adultery with Ozaki Yutaka san! (I'm so so sorry about that!) Wonder if it's because I took part in the tribute(TRIBUTE, wrong) album to

*droops* . . . This sort of conversion makes me feel exhausted . . . (Don't you sometimes think the computer is just being silly?)

Once again! Did I have a dream like this cause I took part in the tribute(TRIBUTE, correct) album to him?? Well, besides that I began to be asked "When are you gonna have a baby?" regularly after I got married, so is this like, I finally realized it in my dream? What is it to "realize it in the dream"? (lol)

I had no idea about it until I got married, but is it a common thing to make babies after getting married? Cause I'm asked about it a lot, by the people I know, people I don't know at all, and by fan mail. Like "When are you gonna have a baby?". Let me tell you now, I don't wanna have a baby yet! I get into trouble if I get pregnant now considering my work schedule and contract with companies, and I think it's just okay to set it far in the future. I turned 21 this year! There's this person around me who gave birth to her first child at the age of 40.

I've never been asked this by my American and European acquaintance before! The Japanese culture is so open (vulgar, to put a negative spin on it) to horny sort of things that foreigners are surprised at it, but is something wrong with me as a Japanese, cause I think it's a kind of invasion of privacy to ask others "Don't you have a baby yet?" "When are you gonna have one?"? That's practically asking others about their sex life very specifically like "Are you taking precautions?" or "Are you making love often enough?", isn't it? Every married couple has their own future plan, right? This could be sort of an embarrassed question in America, though everyone wouldn't mean it that way. It varies according to each country! Still very interesting thing, though.

Well, what I'm concerned more is that, I feel some strange pressure. As a woman I mean. I feel pressure that I have to make a baby soon, though I don't have to concern myself with it. Wonder if this is what is generally sensed from the relatives or mother-in-law.

And you know, I've started to receive lots of emails about this same sort of experiences and advice-needed things from girls ever since I had an operation on my ovary a couple of years ago. Seems like many of them are worried all alone as this kind of thing is something that we feel we'd like to hide from the people around, but to be honest, there are so many people suffering from sterility or having suffered from miscarriage even if limited only to those who write email about it to Utada Hikaru. The media is reporting it too, as an increasing problem lately.

What if the woman, the married woman I mean, who's in the situation like that, is asked "When will you have a baby?" all the time . . . I can't help but imagine that it would be so painful for her every time . . . my concern may just be meddling, but . . . it seems to me that this sort of question shouldn't be asked thoughtlessly.

I took the plunge and talked about this thing here, as I wondered what you would think about it.
Wh-what do you think??

(NOTE by Nuuk)
"Ozaki, Yutaka" ... a Japanese musician, dead at the age of 26 in 1992.